515 Crew

(770): I just barfed on his mom.
(404): You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.

(913): very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.

(202): I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.

(973): haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
(630): savin' lives aint cheap

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me that I was irrationally jealous. I’ve just learned that she has a website where she masturbates in front of a webcam. FML

Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "nigger." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML

Nick wrote:This website is pretty good, but I still like http://www.fmylife.com better. Some of my favorites from there:

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me that I was irrationally jealous. I’ve just learned that she has a website where she masturbates in front of a webcam. FML

Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "nigger." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML

servo wrote:i want to give you a hand job with my mouth is attributed to the "hipster grifter"
google it. boring story

(973): At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again

(401): my mouth tastes like poor choices

(708): Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy


(773): I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

joseph wrote:http://www.littlediggs.com/