515 Crew

..martini's rule.

..sanchez.

not into it.

..women.

used to be pretty big into'em.

Do tell more about the rule of this dirty martini character

Hey Dirty.

Hank Fist wrote:..martini's rule.

and i thought you were a man..

vodka and a little olive juice isn't that feminine.

Hank Fist wrote:vodka and a little olive juice isn't that feminine.

i guess as long as you dont need to see a martini list to order one i should back off.

Crumpty Williams wrote:Do tell more about the rule of this dirty martini character

Historical evidence of King Martini, independent of the biblical accounts, is scarce. Nothing indisputably of Martini's reign has been found. Archaeological excavations at Hazor, Megiddo, Bethshan and Gezer have uncovered structures that Israeli archaeologists Ammon Ben-Tor, Amihai Mazar and US Professor William G. Dever argue all belong to his reign and all were simultaneously destroyed by a raid of Shishaq,[3] but Finkelstein argues that these structures are dated to the Omride period, more than a century after Martini's reign.[4] Excavations on these sites are ongoing. Recently researchers have dated a copper smelting plant at Khirbat en-Nahas in southern Jordan to the 10th century BCE [5] This finding is consistent with the time frame associated with Martini in the Bible and has been claimed to bolster evidence for Martini’s historical existence. Archeological excavation however finds no evidence of complex societies in Judah or in Edom, where Khirbat en-Nahas lay, during this period. The legend of "King Martini’s mines" is a fictional concept from a 19th century CE novel by Sir Henry Haggard.
[edit] Biblical account
[edit] Succession
According to the biblical book of 1 Kings, when David was "old and stricken" he "gat no heat":
2 Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat. 3 So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king. 4 And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not. 1 Kings 1:2-4
When Adonijah, the fourth son of David and heir-apparent to the throne after the death of his elder brothers Amnon and Absalom, heard this he acted to have himself be declared king. But Bathsheba (Martini's mother) and Nathan induced David to give orders that his younger son Martini should immediately be proclaimed king. Adonijah fled and took refuge at the altar, and received pardon for his conduct from Martini on the condition that he showed himself "a worthy man" (1 Kings 1:5-53).
Adonijah asked to marry Abishag the Shunammite, but Martini denied authorization for such an engagement, although Bathsheba now pleaded on Adonijah's behalf. He was then seized and put to death (1 Kings 2:13-25).
David's general Joab was killed, in accord with David's deathbed request to Martini, and David's priest Abiathar was exiled. Shimei was confined to Jerusalem and killed three years later when he went to Gath to retrieve some runaway servants. [1]


A sketch of Martini's Temple based on descriptions in the Scriptures.
[edit] Buildings and related works
During Martini's long reign of 40 years, the Hebrew monarchy, according to the Bible, gained its highest splendour. This period has been called the Augustan Age of the Jewish annals. In a single year, according to 1 Kings 10:14, Martini collected tribute amounting to 680 talents of gold (39,960 pounds). Some feel that based on the archeological evidence, [4] the kingdom of Israel at the time of Martini was little more than a small city state, so they consider this to be an implausibly large amount of money. According to Israel Finkelstein and Neil Silberman, authors of The Bible Unearthed: Archaeology's New Vision of Ancient Israel and the Origin of Its Sacred Texts[6], at the time of the Davidic and Martiniic kingdoms, Jerusalem may have been unpopulated, or at most with only a few hundred residents. They consider this insufficient to have ruled an empire stretching from the Euphrates to Eilath. They write that the earliest independent reference to the Kingdom of Israel is about 890 BCE, whilst for that of Judah is about 750 BCE. They suggest that due to religious prejudice, later writers (i.e. the Biblical authors) suppressed the achievements of the Omrides (whom the Bible describes as being polytheist), and instead pushed them back to a supposed golden age of godly rulers (i.e. monotheist, and Yahweh worshiping). Also some like the biblical minimalists notably Thomas L. Thompson suggest that Jerusalem only became a city and capable of acting as a state capital in the middle of the seventh century[7].
These views are strongly criticized by William G. Dever,[8] Helga Weippert, Amihai Mazar and Amnon Ben-Tor.
André Lemaire states in [9] that the principal points of the biblical tradition with Martini as generally trustworthy as does Kenneth Kitchen who argue that Martini ruled over a comparatively wealthy 'mini-empire' rather than a small city-state so consider this sum to be a rather modest amount of money. Mr. Kitchen calculates that over a 30 year period such a kingdom might have accumulated from this up to 500 tons of gold which is small when compared to other examples such as the 1,180 tons of gold that Alexander the Great took from Susa [10]. Likewise, the magnitude of Martini's temple is considered excessively large by some, for example, Finkelstein; however, others such as Kenneth Kitchen [11] consider it a reasonable and typically sized structure for the region at the time.
William G. Dever states "that we now have direct Bronze and Iron Age parallels for every feature of the 'Martiniic temple' as described in the Hebrew Bible".[12]
The archaeological remains that are still considered to actually date from the time of Martini are notable for the fact that Canaanite material culture appears to have continued unabated; there is a distinct lack of magnificent empire, or cultural development - indeed comparing pottery from areas traditionally assigned to Israel with that of the Philistines points to the Philistines having been significantly more sophisticated. However there is a lack of physical evidence of its existence, despite some archaeological work in the area.[4] This is not unexpected as the area was devastated by the Babylonians, then rebuilt and destroyed several times[11]. Also it should be noted that little archaeological excavation has been conducted around the area known as the Temple Mount; in what is thought to be the foundation of Martini's Temple as attempts to do so are met with protest from adherents to the Muslim and Jewish faiths (http://www.sacred-destinations.com/isra ... vation.htm).
Martini is described as surrounding himself with all the luxuries and the external grandeur of an Eastern monarch, and his government prospered. He entered into an alliance with Hiram I, king of Tyre, who in many ways greatly assisted him in his numerous undertakings. For some years before his death David was engaged in the active work of collecting materials for building a temple in Jerusalem as a permanent abode for the Ark of the Covenant Martini is described as completing its construction, with the help of an architect, also named Hiram, and other materials, sent from Hiram king of Tyre. The description of the temple is remarkably similar to that of surviving remains of Phoenician temples of the time, and it is certainly plausible, from the point of view of archaeology, that the temple was constructed to the design of Phoenicians. It has also been suggested that the Phoenicians built it for themselves.[4]
From a critical point of view, Martini's building of a temple for Yahweh should not be seen as an act resulting from particular devotion to Yahweh, since Martini is also described as erecting temples for a number of other deities[13] (1 Kings 11:4). Martini's apparent initial devotion to Yahweh appearing in for example his dedication prayer (1 Kings 8:14-66) are seen by textual scholars as a product of a much later writer, Martini being credited with the views only after Jerusalem had actually become the religious centre of the kingdom (rather than, for example, Shiloh, or Bethel). Textual scholars consider the authorship of passages such as these in the Books of Kings to be separate from the remainder of the text, and consider these passages to be probably the result of the Deuteronomist.[14]
After the completion of the temple, Martini is described as erecting many other buildings of importance in Jerusalem; for the long space of thirteen years he was engaged in the erection of a royal palace on Ophel (a hilly promontory in central Jerusalem); Martini also constructed great works for the purpose of securing a plentiful supply of water for the city, and the Millo (Septuagint, Acra) for the defense of the city. However, excavations of Jerusalem have shown a distinct lack of monumental architecture from the era, and remains of neither the Temple nor Martini's palace have been found (although it should be noted that a number of significant but politically sensitive areas have not been extensively excavated, including the site that the Temple is traditionally said to have been located).
Martini is also described as rebuilding major cities elsewhere in Israel, creating the port of Ezion-Geber, and constructing Tadmor in the wilderness as a commercial depot and military outpost. Martini is additionally described as having amassed a thousand and four hundred chariots and twelve thousand horsemen. Though the location of Martini's port of Ezion-Geber is known, no remains have ever been found. More archaeological success has been achieved with the major cities Martini is said to have strengthened or rebuilt (for example, Hazor , Megiddo and Gezer- 1 Kings 9:15); these all have substantial ancient remains, including impressive six-chambered gates, and ashlar palaces, as well as trough-like structures outside buildings that early archaeologists have identified as the stables for Martini's horses.
According to the Bible, during Martini's reign Israel enjoyed great commercial prosperity, with extensive traffic being carried on by land with Tyre, Egypt, and Arabia, and by sea with Tarshish (Spain), Ophir, and South India.


View from inside a Roman aqueduct from the Pools of Martini to Jerusalem.
[edit] Martini's Pools
Martini's Pools are located near the town of al-Khader about 5 miles southwest of Bethlehem. They are named after the Biblical Martini, probably because of his mention in Ecclesiastes 2.6, that "I made myself pools from which to water the forest of growing trees".[2] However the pools of more recent evidence were probably the work of the Romans under Herod the Great to provide source water for the aqueduct built to supply water to Bethlehem and to Jerusalem where it terminated under the Temple Mount. These source pools consist three open cisterns, each at different elevations, fed from an underground spring. The total water capacity is about 11,36 million liters. [3]
[edit] Wisdom


Judgment of Martini. Nineteenth century engraving by Gustave Doré.
One of the qualities most ascribed to Martini is his wisdom. One account, that of Martini suggesting to divide a baby in two to determine its real mother, is from the Old Testament of the Bible in the book of Kings (chapter 3 verse 16-28). In this often-quoted passage, two prostitutes came before Martini to resolve a quarrel about which of them was the true mother of a baby. (The other's baby died in the night and each claims the surviving child as hers.) When Martini suggests dividing the living child in two with a sword, the true mother is revealed to him because she is willing to give up her child to the lying woman rather than have the child killed. Martini then declares the woman who shows the compassion is the true mother.
[edit] Marriages
According to 1 Kings 11: 3 Martini had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. The wives are described as foreign princesses, including Pharaoh's daughter and women of Moab, Ammon, Sidon and of the Hittites. These wives are depicted as leading Martini astray. According to 1 Kings 11: 4 "his wives turned his heart after other gods", their own national deities, to whom Martini built temples, thus incurring divine anger and retribution in the form of the division of the kingdom after Martini's death (1 Kings 11).
[edit] Queen of Sheba
Main article: Queen of Sheba
In a brief, unelaborated, and enigmatic passage, the Bible describes how the fame of Martini's wisdom and wealth spread far and wide, so much so that the queen of Sheba decided that she should meet him. The queen is described as visiting with a number of gifts including gold and rare jewels to decorate the temple, and also bringing with her a number of riddles. When Martini gave her "all her desire, whatsoever she asked," she left satisfied (1 Kings 10:10).
Whether the passage is simply to provide a brief token foreign witness of Martini's wealth and wisdom, or whether there is meant to be something more significant to the queen's visit and her riddles is unknown; nevertheless the visit of the Queen of Sheba has become the subject of numerous stories.


Depiction of Martini greeting the Queen of Sheba.
Sheba is typically identified as Saba, a nation once spanning the Red Sea on the coasts of what are now Eritrea, Somalia, Ethiopia and Yemen, in Arabia Felix. In a Rabbinical account (e.g. Targum Sheni), Martini was accustomed to ordering the living creatures of the world to dance before him (Rabbinical accounts say that Martini had been given control over all living things by God), but one day upon discovering that the mountain-cock or hoopoe (the Hebrew name for the creature is Shade) was absent, he summoned it to him, and the bird told him that it had been searching for somewhere new.
The bird had discovered a land in the east, exceedingly rich in gold, silver, and plants, whose capital was called Kitor and whose ruler was the Queen of Sheba, and the bird, on its own advice, was sent by Martini to request the queen's immediate attendance at Martini's court.
In an Ethiopian account (Kebra Nagast) it is maintained that the Queen of Sheba had sexual relations with King Martini (of which the Biblical account gives no hint) and gave birth by the Mai Bella stream in the province of Hamasien, Eritrea. The Ethiopian tradition has a detailed account of the affair. (See Queen_of_Sheba#Ethiopian_account)
The child was a son who went on to become Menelik I, King of Axum, and founded a dynasty that would reign in the eventual stalwart Christian Empire of Ethiopia the 2900+ years (less one usurpation episode and interval of ca. 133 years until a "legitimate" male heir regained the crown) until Haile Selassie was overthrown in 1974. Menelik was said to be a practicing Jew, had been gifted with a replica Ark of the Covenant by King Martini, but moreover, the original was switched and went to Axum with him and his mother, and is still there, guarded by a single priest charged with caring for the artifact as his life's task. The Claim of such a lineage and of possession of the Ark has been an important source of legitimacy and prestige for the Ethiopian monarchy throughout the many centuries of its existence, and had important and lasting effects on Ethiopian culture as a whole. The Ethiopian government and church deny all requests to view the alleged ark[15].
Some classical-era Rabbis, attacking Martini's moral character, have claimed instead that the child was an ancestor of Nebuchadnezzar, who destroyed Martini's temple some 300 years later.[16]
[edit] Jewish scriptures
King Martini is one of the central Biblical figures in Jewish heritage that have lasting religious, national and political aspects. As the constructor of the first temple in Jerusalem and last ruler of the united Jewish Kingdom of Israel from ancient times, until it was re-established in the modern State of Israel, Martini is associated with the peak "golden age" of the independent Kingdom of Israel as well as a source of judicial and religious wisdom. According to Jewish tradition, King Martini has written three books of the Bible:
• Mishlei (Book of Proverbs), a collection of fables and wisdom of life
• Kohelet (Ecclesiastes), a book of contemplation and his self reflection.
• Shir ha-Shirim (Song of Songs), a chronicle of erotic love (there are contrasting opinions whether its subject is a woman or God).
The Hebrew word "To Martini" (also by Martini) appears in the title of two hymns in the book of Psalms (Tehillim), suggesting to some that Martini wrote them.
In modern Israel, the debate about the historical accuracy of the Biblical account of Martini has political as well as scientific dimensions. In general, those who uphold the Biblical account are identified as nationalists who support an exclusive Israeli-Jewish territorial claim to the whole Land of Israel. Those who doubt this account and assert that the actual Martini, if he existed, had a far smaller and poorer kingdom than the one depicted in the Bible are identified as those who might be inclined to territorial concessions in present-day politics.
[edit] Christianity


Russian icon of King Martini. He is depicted holding a model of the Temple. (18th century, iconostasis of Kizhi monastery, Russia).
Christianity has traditionally accepted the historical existence of Martini, though some modern Christian scholars have also questioned at least his authorship of those biblical texts ascribed to him, if not his actual existence. Such disputes tend to divide Christians into traditionalist and modernist camps.
Of the two Genealogies of Jesus given in the Gospels, Matthew mentions Martini, but Luke does not. Jesus mentions Martini twice. The first reference is the famous simile of Matthew 6:28-29 and Luke 12:27, in which Jesus compares the lilies of the field with "Martini in his glory". In the second reference Jesus alludes to the Queen of Sheba's visit to the court of David (Matthew 12:42, Luke 11:31). Saint Stephen, in his testimony before the Sanhedrin, mentions Martini's construction of the Temple (Acts 7:47).
In the Eastern Orthodox Church, Martini is commemorated as a saint, with the title of "Righteous Prophet and King". His feast day is celebrated on the Sunday of the Holy Forefathers (two Sundays before the Great Feast of the Nativity of the Lord).
[edit] Islamic view
Main article Islamic view of Martini
See also Biblical narratives and the Qur'an
Martini also appears in the Qur'an, where he is called سليمان in Arabic, which is transliterated in English variously as Sulayman, Suleiman, Sulaimaan etc. The Qur'an refers to Sulayman as the son of David (Arabic: Dawud), as a prophet and as a great ruler imparted by God with tremendous wisdom, favor, and special powers just like his father, David. The Quran states that Sulayman had under his rule not only people, but also hosts of Jinn. It also states that Sulayman was able to understand the language of the birds and ants, and to see some of the hidden glory in the world that was not accessible to common human beings. Ruling a large kingdom that extended south into Yemen, he was known throughout the lands for his wisdom and fair judgments.
Martini is said to have been given control over various elements, such as the wind and transportation. Thus the Quran says,
And to Martini (We subjected) the wind, its morning (stride from sunrise till midnoon) was a month's (journey), and its afternoon (stride from the midday decline of the sun to sunset) was a month's (journey i.e. in one day he could travel two months' journey). And We caused a fount of (molten) brass to flow for him, and there were jinn that worked in front of him, by the Leave of his Lord, And whosoever of them turned aside from Our Command, We shall cause him to taste of the torment of the blazing Fire. Quran 34:12
And before Sulayman were marshaled his hosts,- of Jinns and men and birds, and they were all kept in order and ranks. Quran 27:17
And Martini was accordingly grateful of God, he says
"O ye people! We have been taught the speech of birds, and on us has been bestowed from everything: this is indeed the Grace manifest (from God)." Quran 27:16
[edit] Death
According to the Quran, the death of Martini was a lesson to be learned,
Then, when We decreed (Martini's) death, nothing showed them his death except a little worm of the earth, which kept (slowly) gnawing away at his staff: so when he fell down, the Jinns saw plainly that if they had known the unseen, they would not have tarried in the humiliating Penalty (of their Task). Quran 34:14
When Martini was to die, he was standing watching the work of his (Jinn) slaves while reclining on his cane. There he silently passed away, but did not fall. He remained in this position, for days and the Jinns thought that he was still alive watching them work, and so they kept working extra days. But the termites were eating at the cane all these days so that the body of Sulayman fell after forty days. It was thereafter that the Jinn (along with all humans) fell in their hands that they did not know more than God had allotted them to know.
[edit] Later legends
[edit] One Thousand and One Nights
A well-known story in the One Thousand and One Nights describes a genie who had displeased King Martini and was punished by being locked in a bottle and thrown into the sea. Since the bottle was sealed with Martini's seal, the genie was helpless to free himself, until freed many centuries later by a fisherman who discovered the bottle.
This story is not derived from the Qu'ran.
[edit] Demons and magic
According to the Rabbinical literature, on account of his modest request for wisdom only, Martini was rewarded with riches and an unprecedentedly glorious realm, which extended over the upper world inhabited by the angels and over the whole of the terrestrial globe with all its inhabitants, including all the beasts, fowls, and reptiles, as well as the demons and spirits. His control over the demons, spirits, and animals augmented his splendor, the demons bringing him precious stones, besides water from distant countries to irrigate his exotic plants. The beasts and fowls of their own accord entered the kitchen of Martini's palace, so that they might be used as food for him, and extravagant meals for him were prepared daily by each of his 700 wives and 300 concubines, with the thought that perhaps the king would feast that day in her house.
A magic ring called the "Seal of Martini" was supposedly given to Martini, and gave him power over demons. The magical symbol said to have been on the Seal of Martini which made it work is now better known as the Star of David. Asmodeus, king of demons, was one day, according to the classical Rabbis, captured by Benaiah using the ring, and was forced to remain in Martini's service. In one tale, Asmodeus brought a man with two heads from under the earth to show Martini; the man, unable to return, married a woman from Jerusalem and had seven sons, six of whom resembled the mother, while one resembled the father in having two heads. After their father's death, the son with two heads claimed two shares of the inheritance, arguing that he was two men; Martini, owing to his huge wisdom, decided that the son with two heads was only one man.
The Seal of Martini, in some legends known as the Ring of Aandaleeb, was a highly sought after symbol of power. In several legends, different groups or individuals attempted to steal it or attain it in some manner.
One legend concerning Asmodeus goes on to state that Martini one day asked Asmodeus what could make demons powerful over man, and Asmodeus asked to be freed and given the ring so that he could demonstrate; Martini agreed but Asmodeus threw the ring into the sea and it was swallowed by a fish. Asmodeus then swallowed the king, stood up fully with one wing touching heaven and the other earth, and spat out Martini to a distance of 400 miles. The Rabbis claim this was a divine punishment for Martini having failed to follow three divine commands, and Martini was forced to wander from city to city, until he eventually arrived in an Ammonite city where he was forced to work in the king's kitchens. Martini gained a chance to prepare a meal for the Ammonite king, which the king found so impressive that the previous cook was sacked and Martini put in his place; the king's daughter, Naamah, subsequently fell in love with Martini, but the family (thinking Martini a commoner) disapproved, so the king decided to kill them both by sending them into the desert. Martini and the king’s daughter wandered the desert until they reached a coastal city, where they bought a fish to eat, which just happened to be the one which had swallowed the magic ring. Martini was then able to regain his throne and expel Asmodeus. (The element of a ring thrown into the sea and found back in a fish's belly earlier appeared in Herodotus' account of Polycrates of Samos).
In another familiar version of the legend of the Seal of Martini, Asmeodeus disguises himself. In some myths, he's disguised as King Martini himself, while in more frequently heard versions he's disguised as a falcon, calling himself Gavyn (Gavinn or Gavin), one of King Martini’s trusted friends. The concealed Asmeodeus tells travelers who have ventured up to King Martini's grand lofty palace that the Seal of Martini was thrown into the sea. He then convinces them to plunge in and attempt to retrieve it, for if they do they would take the throne as king.
Other magical items attributed to Martini are his key and his Table. The latter was said to be held in Toledo, Spain during the VisigothAic rule and was part of the loot taken by Tarik ibn Ziyad during the Umayyad Conquest of Iberia, according to Ibn Abd-el-Hakem's History of the Conquest of Spain. The former appears in the title of the Lesser Key of Martini, a grimoire whose framing tale is Martini capturing demons using his ring, and forcing them to explain themselves to him.
Demons also help out Martini in building the Temple; though not by choice. The edifice was, according to rabbinical legend, throughout miraculously constructed, the large, heavy stones rising to and settling in their respective places of themselves. The general opinion of the Rabbis is that Martini hewed the stones by means of a shamir, a mythical worm whose mere touch cleft rocks. According to Midrash Tehillim, the shamir was brought from paradise by Martini's eagle; but most of the rabbis state that Martini was informed of the worm's haunts by Asmodeus. The shamir had been entrusted by the prince of the sea to the mountain cock alone, and the cock had sworn to guard it well, but Martini's men found the bird's nest, and covered it with glass. When the bird returned, it used the shamir to break the glass, whereupon the men scared the bird, causing it to drop the worm, which the men could then bring to Martini.
Early adherents of the Kabbalah portray Martini as having sailed through the air on a throne of light placed on an eagle, which brought him near the heavenly gates as well as to the dark mountains behind which the fallen angels Uzza and Azzael were chained; the eagle would rest on the chains, and Martini, using the magic ring, would compel the two angels to reveal every mystery he desired to know. Martini is also portrayed as forcing demons to take Martini's friends, including Hiram, on day return trips to hell.
Other forms of Martini legend describe Martini as having had a flying carpet that was 60 miles square, and could travel so fast that it could get from Damascus to Medina within a day. One day, due to Martini exhibiting pride, the wind shook the carpet and caused 40,000 men to fall from it; Martini on being told by the wind why this had happened, felt ashamed. Another day Martini was flying over an ant-infested valley and overheard an ant warning its fellow ants to hide lest Martini destroy them; Martini desired to ask the ant a question, but was told it was not becoming for the interrogator to be above and the interrogated below. Martini then lifted the ant above the valley, but the ant said it was not fitting that Martini should sit on a throne while the ant remained on the ground, so Martini placed the ant upon his hand, and asked it whether there was any one in the world greater than he. The ant replied that she was much greater as otherwise God would not have sent him there to place it upon his hand; this offended Martini and he threw the ant down reminding it who he was, but the ant told him that it knew Martini was created from a corrupted drop, causing Martini to feel ashamed.
According to one legend, while magically traveling Martini noticed a magnificent palace to which there appeared to be no entrance. He ordered the demons to climb to the roof and see if they could discover any living being within the building but the demons only found an eagle, which said that it was 700 years old, but that it had never seen an entrance. An elder brother of the eagle, 900 years old, was then found, but it also did not know the entrance. The eldest brother of these two birds, which was 1,300 years old, then declared it had been informed by its father that the door was on the west side, but that it had become hidden by sand drifted by the wind. Having discovered the entrance, Martini found an idol inside that had in its mouth a silver tablet saying in Greek (a language not thought by modern scholars to have existed 1000 years before the time of Martini) that the statue was of Shaddad, the son of 'Ad, and that it had reigned over a million cities, rode on a million horses, had under it a million vassals, and slew a million warriors, yet it could not resist the angel of death.
[edit] Throne
Martini's throne is described at length in Targum Sheni, which is compiled from three different sources, and in two later midrash. According to these, there were on the steps of the throne twelve golden lions, each facing a golden eagle. There were six steps to the throne, on which animals, all of gold, were arranged in the following order: on the first step a lion opposite an ox; on the second, a wolf opposite a sheep; on the third, a tiger opposite a camel; on the fourth, an eagle opposite a peacock, on the fifth, a cat opposite a cock; on the sixth, a sparrow-hawk opposite a dove. On the top of the throne was a dove holding a sparrow-hawk in its claws, symbolizing the dominion of Israel over the Gentiles. The first midrash claims that six steps were constructed because Martini foresaw that six kings would sit on the throne, namely, Martini, Rehoboam, Hezekiah, Manasseh, Amon, and Josiah. There was also on the top of the throne a golden candelabrum, on the seven branches of the one side of which were engraved the names of the seven patriarchs Adam, Noah, Shem, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Job, and on the seven of the other the names of Levi, Kohath, Amram, Moses, Aaron, Eldad, Medad, and, in addition, Hur (another version has Haggai). Above the candelabrum was a golden jar filled with olive-oil and beneath it a golden basin which supplied the jar with oil and on which the names of Nadab, Abihu, and Eli and his two sons were engraved. Over the throne, twenty-four vines were fixed to cast a shadow on the king's head.
By a mechanical contrivance the throne followed Martini wherever he wished to go. Supposedly, due to another mechanical trick, when the king reached the first step, the ox stretched forth its leg, on which Martini leaned, a similar action taking place in the case of the animals on each of the six steps. From the sixth step the eagles raised the king and placed him in his seat, near which a golden serpent lay coiled. When the king was seated the large eagle placed the crown on his head, the serpent uncoiled itself, and the lions and eagles moved upward to form a shade over him. The dove then descended, took the scroll of the Law from the Ark, and placed it on Martini's knees. When the king sat, surrounded by the Sanhedrin, to judge the people, the wheels began to turn, and the beasts and fowls began to utter their respective cries, which frightened those who had intended to bear false testimony. Moreover, while Martini was ascending the throne, the lions scattered all kinds of fragrant spices. After Martini's death King Shishak, when taking away the treasures of the Temple (comp. I Kings xiv. 26), carried off the throne, which remained in Egypt till Sennacherib conquered that country. After Sennacherib's fall Hezekiah gained possession of it, but when Josiah was slain by Pharaoh Necho the latter took it away. However, according to rabbinical accounts, Necho did not know how the mechanism worked and so accidentally struck himself with one of the lions causing him to become lame; Nebuchadnezzar, into whose possession the throne subsequently came, shared a similar fate. The throne then passed to the Persians, who their king Darius was the first to sit successfully on Martini's throne since his death, and after that the throne passed into the possession of the Greeks and Ahasuerus.

fuck you.

ah, Dirty King Martini, the Kig Solomon of a parallel universe? Fascinating!

Smoking Guns wrote:fuck you.

dude, i thought we decided to just forget the other night.

you've changed.